Sunday, March 01, 2009

Rose in the Abyss

What one understands of those lonely winters?

In the beehive of beehives, my legs move
In the residue of dreams, I smell her bosom
As I try to snuggle, so I understand
She too is a fantasy, dreamt in solitude

So I pick up a book, lying in the dust of time
My eyes run over hazy words, scribbled by a lonely warrior
Between us, centuries of separation
But the joy is real, so are our agonies

(unfinished poem...can't think further)

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At 5:27 AM , Blogger Aayushi Mehta said...

I like this.

At 10:35 AM , Blogger Jigar said...

Aayushi, hello and welcome!

Thanks a lot. Glad this half-written piece found an admirer!

At 8:48 PM , Blogger Ankita Ghosh said...

I took the liberty to add to what is already a beautiful read... Hope you don't take offence..

Perfume still drifts into the room
Like a mellowed Summer’s afternoon
Crushed pines are still scattered on the porch
Waiting to hear the usual rants of a maid

The book’s page is unturned yet
And I decide to amble down to the grove
Reminiscent of the days of the war
That made you, you and me but a keeper

Of secrets, of scents that I reserved for you ‘
Of a rendezvous that would have still been there today
Had you not toiled away that fine morn
Years ago on that Winter’s day
What can one understands of the past lonely winters?

PS: Also Blogrolling you.. hope that's fine! :)

At 2:09 AM , Blogger Jigar said...

Not at all!

In fact you have added some very beautiful sentences...but I guess you gave this poem another dimention. Something I wouldn't have done had I written it.

You write in the third stanza:
"Had you not toiled away that fine morn Years ago on that Winter’s day"

This indicates that the winter is lonely in the "memory" of a loved one...meaning, there was once a relationship which is not any more.

I am relating the winter's lonliness to "yearning"... as in one craves for the other to appear and make one complete. Hope you see the difference!

Not that you have made the poem less appealing... these are just different ways of looking.

I liked your use of language.

At 2:17 AM , Blogger Ankita Ghosh said...

Oh!I see the difference. I see it fine. But, the yearning could also be for a lost love... anyways... good luck with ur writing. Yu write very well, too :)

At 7:59 PM , Blogger Jigar said...

Yes, the yearning could also be for a lost love!


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